Happy upcoming new year.

New improved version of me.

im gonna cut my hair today.

Hello 2011, be good to me.

Good bye 2010, thanks for everything.

Latest mistake.

...

finally jumpa satu jiwa yang ngam dengan aku finally boleh cinta seorang manusia dalam-dalam. finally dapat angkat seseorang dengan begitu tinggi. finally dapat rendahkan ego aku serendah-rendahnya, hanya demi this one bloody man because your heart tells you yes yes YES HE IS THE ONE.

And because of him, I lost myself. Super stupid.

The hardest part of dreaming about someone you love is having to wake up

I don’t want to keep being the girl that keeps crying about the same things.

I do miss you :)

..

Guess How much i love you..

I could go on with my day and act like everything is ok. But as my life goes on it hurts more in every way.

Mon soleil

He may not be the most attractive,

he may not say all the right words,

but when I see him,

I know he's the one that can make me smile,

laugh, and cry all at the same time.

Je ne peux pas cesser de t'aimer.. mon soleil :)

Safest Place

At some point I feel like running, but i just dont know where. So I end up the best place to run is into your warmest hug. The safest place is the world :)

Where there's only the both of us.

I love you.

I’m just a chapter in your life.

"The stupidest mistake in life is thinking the one who hurt you the most, won't hurt you again."

...

I'm selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best.

+

Avoiding something doesn't always mean that you hate it, it could also mean that you want it, but it's too complicated.

--

It's hurt when someone you know becomes someone you knew.



Sekian.

For that's the way it is with life, as some of the most beautiful days come completely by chance. But even the most beautiful days eventually have their sunsets.

And now, I am going to secure the memories by myself.

And play dumb.

Terima kasih dan jumpa lagi.

sometimes between the days

So , here we go again. The feeling of ^%#^%, the raging emotions, and the unexplained pain inside the heart. And we continuously asked : Dear God, why do I have to go through this again?

p/s : its not bout u. Its about me and myself.

I wont get through it. I'll GROW through it.

-

Who knew you'd walk with me when I started walking alone.
Who knew we'd be bestfriends when we were strangers last year.
Who knew we'd talk less today when our hearts spoke yesterday.
Who knew we'd be strangers when we were lovers last winter.

But who knew you'd feel sunshine at dusk and then raindrops at dawn. And that's life; if you don't have your umbrella with you, then feel the rain.

It's beautiful. Too.

Girl

"see her hamburger.."

:)

1 month and 20++ days

Im scared. Seriously.

Im scared, im not superman.

counting days

1 months and 27days more.

Stumble Block

"It's time to surrender
It's been too long pretending, there's no use in trying
When the pieces don't fit anymore
Pieces don't fit here anymore"

A good one by James Morrison. No matter how hard we tried to make it happen. Sometimes when things are not meant to be, its just not meant to be.

A valuable lesson in life gain through experience.

And a very very painful one indeed.

But still, im weak. Im not strong enuff.

*inhale*

cant take it anymore.God,give me some strength.

..

Kadang-kadang, kesengsaraan membuat manusia hilang pertimbangan dan kewarasan, dan mulut mudah berbicara lebih pantas dari otak berfikir.

In a blink of time

Had my 28 week scan today and found out it's a...?

BOY!!! :)

Doc said he's about 1.4kg, Healthy baby boy. OMG! Patut la sakit pinggang .

As usual, I am not allowed to be too stressed and always to remain calm.

O whatever.




I was crying, for..

nothing.

i wish i had enough strength to go through this.

.

i will be fine. it's just a matter of time.That's the only thing i keep telling to myself everyday when i wake up from sleep. because i know mourn and regrets for what had happen doesn't help at all.things will get worst.i have to be strong. really strong this time..*sigh*

masa, cepatlah berlalu.
sabar dan sabar.

.

masih flu . otak penat . need vacation

Gai Pad Krapow (Yang aku selalu sebut Pak Kepau haha!)

Gai Pad means chicken.
Krapow means Basil Leaf.

So aku google cari recipe pakepau sebab dah dua kali pegi kedai Pakcik apa tah tu, tutup pulak. Nak pegi lagi sekali macam busy je. Saja cari recipe, nanti kalau ada masa aku masak. Tak payah tunggu kedai pakcik tu lagi :)

Thai Basil Chicken is one of those dishes that fits squarely in the category of best-bang-for-your-buck. Not only is it a cheap dish to make, it’s incredibly satisfying, and takes almost no time to make. I dunno about you, but for me, cheap, delicious and easy is the holy trinity of the perfect dish.

Savory, spicy, and redolent of garlic and basil, it’s not like the chicken really needs any help, but what really sets this dish off for me is the fried egg on top. Sunny-side-up and yolk still runny, the egg adds just a touch of velvety richness to this humble weeknight meal. On a pile of hot jasmine rice, this basil chicken is heaven on a plate.

The key to getting perfect little pebbles of moist chicken that are just lightly kissed with caramelized sauce is to use a very hot pan, preferably a wok. Woks work so well for stir fried dishes like this basil chicken because they have so much surface area relative to the amount of food you put in it. Provided you have enough fire under the wok, this means the pan stays very hot allowing you to quickly cook the chicken without drying it out. Unfortunately, most home stoves (including my own) don’t put out enough BTUs to take advantage of a wok’s full surface area.

For those of you who don’t have a commercial gas burner at home, I’ve found that a cast iron skillet produces the desired results. While it doesn’t have the same surface area as a wok, it does retain heat very well, so as long as you preheat it, it will stay hot even after you’ve added the chicken.

I used Thai Basil (horapa) this time, but Gai Pad Krapow is supposed to be made with Holy Basil (kra phao). If you can’t find either type of basil near you, you could theoretically use ordinary fresh basil, but the flavor will be different. Thai basil has a stronger clove-like flavor that is quite distinct from the more anise-like flavor of Mediterranean basil.

Basil Chicken (Gai Pad Krapow)

1 Tbs vegetable oil
4 cloves garlic minced
1-5 thai “bird” chilies minced with seeds
1/2 small onion sliced
1/2 lbs ground chicken thigh meat
1 Tbs fish sauce
2 tsp brown sugar
pinch of white pepper
3 sprigs of Thai Holy Basil, stems removed
2 eggs

Heat a small frying pan over medium heat until hot. Add a splash of oil and crack two eggs into the pan and fry until the white part is set, but the yolk is still soft. Transfer the eggs to a plate to keep them from overcooking.

Heat a wok or a cast iron skillet over medium high heat until very hot. Add the oil, garlic and chilies and stir fry until until the garlic is very fragrant. Add the onions and continue stir frying until the onions have wilted. Add the ground chicken and fry until the chicken is cooked.

Season with the fish sauce, sugar and white pepper. If your pan was hot enough you should not have any liquid at the bottom of the pan, but if you do, continue cooking until the liquid is gone. Add the basil and toss a couple of time until the leaves are wilted and bright green.

Serve the basil chicken with jasmine rice and an egg on top of each plate.

I luv you, loverboy :)

Ne me quitte pas

Ne me quitte pas
Il faut oublier
Tout peut s'oublier
Qui s'enfuit déjà
Oublier le temps
Des malentendus
Et le temps perdu
A savoir comment
Oublier ces heures
Qui tuaient parfois
A coups de pourquoi
Le coeur du bonheur

Ne me quitte pas
Ne me quitte pas
Ne me quitte pas

Dont leave me

We are going somewhere.

Perkara yang paling menyedihkan adalah, aku sedang pelan-pelan jatuh pada kau.

I wished it wasn't so earth-shattering.

We are going somewhere.

This little girl is in love with you.

.

Bukanlah berapa lama, sangat. You were in the brink of a commitment melt-down. People get lonely- they say shitty things when they're lonely. Benda biasa.

Benda biasa.

Benda biasa.

But for you, its not benda biasa

.

I may be blunt. I may be tactless. I may be uncouth. My words may hurt. And many other imperfections of me may drive people away.

but

I do..

hmm..

Nevermind.

Hello

Hello, its me again.

Well since we “took a break”, work/designing etc are the only thing that can make me stop thinking about you. Yesterday i stayed up till 5 AM to finish my own bussiness card (at last), the sample of brochure, flyers, pamplet, web designing bla bla bla.

Ahh by the way, esok ada last minute job kat Cheras. Wedding shoot. Yay! at least kan.. Hm harap harap aku tak pengsan esok +_+

I don’t know how long will i survive without talking with you. (maybe u just dont care, kot.)

I miss you.

Soleil

Hey, Im missing u

you are still the first thing that came off my mind when i wake up..

I though that i was strong.

I wish i could hold you now. I wish i could touch u now. I wish i could talk to you now.

Im missing you. I cried so hard.

Just the thought of being with u tomorrow is enough to get me through today.

Thank you for walked away when Im most insecure and in a vulnerable state of mind. Most of all, I’d just like to thank you for giving me the opportunity to discover how love shouldn’t be. I’ve learned a lot. I wish I could start over, innocently and sweetly, and carry on as if I’ve never met you.

im hurt. i've tried to get over it. but failed.

Hey, i love u.

maybe, someday.

Loser? Am i?

something bad happened today.

















At least i know, Im not a loser.

i dont miss u ; i miss the person i thought u were.

I want u to know that despite everything that happened, i still think about the way it was in the beginning.

Ive decided to make myself strong.

Im sure, you're doing fine there.

The hardest thing

the hardest thing that I can do is to continue to love someone who can't be mine..

that's one thing i know..

Love.

i love the way u used to hug me. I love the way u used to kiss my lips, but most of all I miss the way u held me and my heart.

I miss you..

.

Riding on these waves
Holding on to what you say
"Everything will be okay
it will work out one way"

But I’ve drifted way too far
my arms my legs have grown too tired
And could you be inspired, now I’m just tired

And on a swing you push me hard
So I’ll come back to where you are
And you know I’m never far
no decisions nothing hard

.

Meeting you was fate, becoming your friend was a choice, but falling in love with you was beyond my control.

Drama! (?)

I am tryin to understand what a mature relationship is . And from the readings, it appears to me that it's a lot of things. In fact, a lot of things that Im not. Poor u

.Never.

You know.

When you have tried your very best, put away all your very needs, but people still don't see it.

All they see is this pathetic, twisted, stuck, energy-consuming, time-wasting, over dependence little gal who will NEVER grow up and be a better person.

And then, you only do one thing.

You stop trying.

Because no matter how hard you try, you will NEVER be good enough for them.

Never.

EVER.

.

Hello Mr Mostwanted

Nanti buat body-painting lagi okay :)

Iloveyou.

Need

With me, the thing you need the most, is patience. And a lot of it.

And I am forever grateful that when it comes to me, patience is what you have.

Thank you, like really, thank you.

I am more of an ass than you are, proven. Although you do come close. Hahaha!

But I would do this a million times again, and say yes a gazillion times, all over again.

Iloveyou.

Good Luck Sugar

I think today he's being all adorable and cute and handsome :)

Figuring out

Of course you aren't the perfect boyfriend. And having said that, I am far far far far from perfect too. I mean, we have our downs, at times, more than our ups but I have to thank you for behaving in a way I don't have to deal with aforementioned problems.

Sometimes, I forget why I am very much in love with you when we fight.

After cooling off period, I know why.

Because you have good intentions in doing everything for me, you have my best interest in your mind though I may not see it, because I'm so full of myself most of the times. eh?

You may have executed the actions in the wrong way, but I know you had the nicest intention in doing so.

That is one of the many things why I chose to be with you even when I know your deepest, darkest secrets.

That is why.

:)

.

Who would take me out for dinner or mamak even when the day has been tiring?
Who would walk with me, even when I am carrying an 'angel'?

Loverboy. My Ironman.

Iloveyou. :)

.proud.

I have never told you this.

But every single time I see you doing your music, even when I just walk besides you, holding your hands.

I can't help but to feel proud of you.

So, whatever you are doing or will be doing, remember that I am and will always be proud of you. And will always have your back.

Promise. :)

Good morning sunshine.

I love you. Infinity!

ok, u took the universe part. We draw :)

.

when you know every single thing, from A to Z, you can't help yourself from being jealous.

Even when you tell yourself it's nothing. Even when the people you love tell you there's nothing to be worried about.

:'(

.

I really do not have anything to say currently. But gatal nak taip. Bye

#1 Ironman

Thank you for being a part of my life :)

Shoe

I wish that for just one time you could stand inside my shoes and just for that one moment I could be you.

Yes, I wish that for just one time

fundamental art

Deep inside perkara yang sangat mencemaskan aku ialah tidak berjumpa sesiapa yang akan aku selesa not that I knew actually beginning untuk kenal new people is also equally interesting. I do not know whether one day I will end up being with somebody I feel most comfortable with. Or somebody yang make you grow up, I've yet to find out myself.

I tend to fall for someone that I feel comfortable with and ada apa orang kata, same value or needs. I'm a sucker for that. Maybe sebab tu aku selalu be dalam satu relationship untuk tempoh yang lama. It's susah sebenarnya kalau aku nak benci orang yang buat jahat dengan aku because kalau aku let somebody duduk lama dalam hidup aku means memang aku selesalah dengan orangnya. And I don't let just anybody.

I believe in working things out sampai dah tak boleh. Maybe juga because I'm sucker for comfort in a relationship, if you make me feel at home then I'll hold the person tight close to my heart. Doesn't matter on personality differences.Dia suka buli ke atau dia moody ke. Every single time I will always be the one yang belajar sayang orang yang sayang aku provided ada rasa you know like zzzzttt chemistry gitu. Dan aku akan berhenti sayang orang yang tak sayang aku. Just wanting my precious time.It could be to the point I neglected what I really want. Perhaps it shouldn't be like this kali ni.

Untuk start kenal balik orang, sometimes you rasa takut-takut but adapting to changes is fundamental. You need to do this to survive.

when a girl is ignoring you, it's when she needs you the most.

Unwanted Dreams

at night, i still have unwanted dreams. not exactly nightmares, cuma perkara yang aku tidak mahu lihat waktu tidur. untuk seseorang yang lebih kurang senang terpengaruh dengan mimpi, it's kind of unhealthy for me to be having the dreams. kadang-kadang, it goes on for weeks. situation lain-lain tapi always the same plot di mana pada hujung mimpi ada cue untuk reality kemudian baru aku terjaga. it never ended sweetly. always, always mimpi itu akan berpanjangan sampai part reality muncul.

"layankan aje."
"itu mainan perasaan. it's just you. itu semua past."

it's tiring to be getting this stuff which i don't need it at all. macam ditanya soalan yang sama berulang-kali, macam iklan raya Petronas where the boy kept asking, "burung apa?". mungkin aku sendiri yang invite the reality to come in my dreams where the situations were obviously surreal dan aku ada doubts about it. sort of the law of attractions. memang terang-terangan kau, aku tahu the solution. but it's easier said than done.

personally, aku rasa hope hanya buat kita lebih sengsara.
lebih sengsara.

My Ironman

Hello good influence. Thank you. Again. You saved me.

When you screwed up, start over!

Aku tunjuk gambar aku dua tahun lepas kat Intan. Reaksi dia, terlopong.

I knew myself that look haggard.

Mana pergi the youth kau tahu? And this isnt Dorian Gray much. Tak ada potrait nak galang ganti begitu.

Dibazirkan kerana sedih, malam malam tak mahu tidur, risau. It shows on your face.

Itu sebab aku decide untuk ingat perkara baik sahaja tentang everything. Like the other friend said, you were not like this back then. Give me back our you!

Aku secretly suka spice girl around the age of 12. The group was a hit and they came out with a perfume. Itu yang buat aku suka. The scent.

Ada satu ayat dia terngiang-ngiang.

"All you need is, positivity!"

Hell, yeah!

Morning sunshine, especially when you are the one

Manis. A guy friend of mine ralit bercerita hal kekasihnya. Dia sayang sangat perempuan itu.

Tapi, kenapa segan puji kekasih, dan khabarkan kepada orang lain.

Beritahulah cinta hati kamu.

Tell her perasaan intense itu macam mana kau cinta dia that the world revolves around having a bright future with her, that you want her to be the mother of your child,

that forever is her, that if you are about to die now, besides chanting the name of God,

besides chanting the name of God,

O' Lord,

and asking for forgiveness from your parents,

the girl that you want to see and hold,

is her.

Noktah

Lama-lama kita berasa jaded dan begitulah perasaan ini mati begitu sahaja.

Entah ditiup angin entah ke mana perginya. Langkah kau boleh ditelah just like this, satu-satu akal licik kita telah dimatikan. Checkmate.

Rupanya kita yang hebat bermain cinta isn't that great after all.

Bak kata orang, stop thinking you're the best, and get over it.

Players. Yang sudah jemu dengan percaturannya sendiri.

Because when everyone is embracing the real deal, you are left with nothing.

And nothing seems so lonely. Isn't it?

Zero chemistry

Kita kurang rancak bila bersembang.
Tak macam aku dengan dia, dia dan dia yang lain.
Tak macam kau dengan dia, dia dan dia yang lain.

Bagaimana mahu rancak di persada yang lain?

Ah ha

Wanna be

Having a messy past doesnt really help when it comes to ypur present.

Yes, you have leave it behind, yet, in some ways, it finds its way to just pop back in your face.

We all have see ghost of our past once in a while, havent we?

And i think mine is cantching up, past and furious.

And it's turning me into someone i dont want to be.

I hate that i am just being plian ridiculous now. And that is the reason why i never want to be in a realtionship.